COVID-19 Update: 5 Months In

It has been almost 5 months since our world was turned upside down by COVID-19. The turning point for our family was March 13th, when schools in our area closed. Little did we know they wouldn’t reopen for the rest of the school year. We endured a stay-at-home order for over a month and countless iterations of safer-at-home orders put in place by our State Health Officer. Travis is STILL teleworking with no return to work in sight anytime soon. Brooklyn finished first grade virtually at home. Our kids haven’t been to Bible classes in person since mid-March. We’ve done Zoom worship services, drive-in worship services (where we stayed in the car the whole time), and, for the last few months, socially distanced services inside the building. We are all mask-wearing pros by now, even Abigail who’s not quite 3 years old yet. This life is so drastically different than what we were living back in January and February, and it’s a little scary that it’s almost become “normal” to us now.

During the first month or two, I felt like I handled everything really well. It was honestly nice to slow down and not be quite so busy. Our calendar was wiped clean, and I felt like I could even relax a little without rushing around from activity to activity. We tried to make the most of our slower pace at home and made a lot of memories together as a family. But by about mid-May, the effects of “quarantine” were really starting to get to me. We hadn’t been within 6 feet of our parents, siblings, or anyone else in 2 months. We’d seen Paw and Rae Rae, but only for outside, socially-distanced visits. No hugs or cuddles for the kids. They hadn’t played with their cousins in weeks. I think it was starting to set in that this pandemic could go on for months and months with no end in sight.

Part of our struggle was trying to understand the safer-at-home orders from the Governor’s office. As Christians, we believe that we have a responsibility to follow the law as best as we can based on passages like Romans 13 and others. But it was difficult to determine exactly what was legal and not legal based on the wording of the orders. Could we legally sit around the same dinner table with our family members that we don’t live with? Could we have backyard dinner parties? Could our kids hug their grandparents? So there were really two questions in play: Is a certain activity LEGAL based on the state order, and is it a WISE thing to do in terms of the risk of catching and spreading the virus to others? When you step back and think about it, it is downright exhausting to put so much thought into every single activity you do with others outside of your household. How do you interact with others? Is going to this place a good idea? Is having close contact with these people in this setting legally allowed by the state order? At various points along the way, I have honestly just gotten so tired of it all that I’ve wanted to throw my hands up and say, “I don’t care what the order says or whether an activity is wise or not. I just want to live my life like I used to.” But we keep pressing on and trying to do our best to make smart decisions anyway.

If I’m not careful, it is really easy for me to get so discouraged and disappointed by humanity in general, and especially fellow Christians. I can only read so many heated arguments over masks, conspiracy theories (this is all a plot to keep Trump from being re-elected, right??) the reopening of schools, and the accuracy of COVID-19 statistics before I start to feel a little crazy. People are handling this pandemic so differently…I guess just like life in general. On one side of the spectrum, you have people who aren’t concerned about the virus and are going about their activities as normally as possible. On the other side, you have people that are so afraid of catching the virus that they are afraid to leave their homes or see their families. And then a plethora of positions in between. We fall right in the middle of the spectrum. We are not “living in fear” as people sometimes say. We are going shopping, running errands, spending time with family, going on vacations, playing with friends at the pool, and even planning to send our girls to school in person once they reopen. However, at this point, we are not eating inside restaurants, doing indoor playdates, or spending time in people’s homes (outside of immediate family). We are wearing masks and trying to social distance out in public. We are washing our hands. We are trying to make smart decisions because we realize that our actions affect others. Even though we might not get deathly ill or even have symptoms if we are infected, we could pass it onto someone else who ends up dying from the virus. There’s obviously a balance to be found between being reckless and being overly paranoid/afraid, and people are going to draw the line in different places. I have to constantly remind myself of that fact, or I start to get really disappointed by friends and family who seemingly aren’t taking this virus seriously. There are probably people out there that consider my behavior to be “risky” compared to what they are doing. I need to do better at giving people the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the best they can to make wise choices. We all make mistakes, and none of us has handled this pandemic perfectly. I’ve done things that I thought later probably weren’t a very good idea. I think I just need to worry about myself and my family and let that be it. I can’t control what other people do, so there’s no sense in dwelling on it. If anything, this pandemic has taught me (yet again!) just how little control I really have over things in life. I thought I learned that lesson in 2017 when Abigail was born, but maybe I needed a refresher ;)

Overall, I just really feel discouraged right now. I’m ready for life to get back to normal, but I think it would be selfish of me to disregard all precautions just because I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of analyzing every move I make as to whether it’s wise and/or legal. I’m tired of people fighting over everything virus-related. I’m tired of feeling isolated from my church family and feeling like people think I’m crazy for wearing a mask while we sing at worship services. I’m tired of plans being cancelled because of the virus. I’m sad for Savannah who will start her kindergarten year sitting in front of a computer instead of inside a classroom. I’m upset for Melissa and Alex who have planned and re-planned their wedding only for the virus to knock multiple families into quarantine at the last minute who were supposed to attend. I think I’m just tired and stressed in general.

This virus literally touches every aspect of our lives. You can’t get away from it…no matter where you turn, it’s affected something. I think that’s why it’s so hard. The stress of pandemic life just starts to wear on you after a while, and I think I’m at that point.

I realize that something like a pandemic is SO complex in the way that it affects us. It’s not just dealing with a virus that can cause physical side effects or death for some. It takes an emotional, mental, and spiritual toll on us. Those are things that aren’t easily measured by statistics. It even takes a financial toll on many people who have lost their jobs. How do you weigh the emotional/spiritual/financial damage that this social distancing and masking is doing to us as compared to the physical dangers? What’s more important? The problem is that we don’t live in a bubble. We are all connected, and like it or not, we can’t just do what WE want to do without thinking of others. It just feels like we are all on this never-ending rollercoaster. Some days I handle things well, and other days I just don’t. It’s probably that way for most of us.

One of the main positives that has happened during this pandemic is that I’ve started reading the Bible every day with Alisha and my friend, Sarah, who lives in our neighborhood. We are reading 2 chapters/day in the New Testament starting with Matthew, and we’ve made it all the way through half of Acts so far. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never consistently read my Bible every day, so this is huge. We each read whenever we have time that day and then send a text with a few thoughts about something that stood out to us from the chapters. It’s been really encouraging to read Alisha’s and Sarah’s messages and get their perspectives. Texting our thoughts back and forth also keeps it from being just a mindless “checklist” kind of activity. Reading the Bible daily would be beneficial anytime, but I think it’s especially been helpful for me during this crazy time to see that God doesn’t change, and His Word doesn’t change either. He won’t let me down, and He knows what’s best. Even when life is discouraging and stressful, I can remember that these challenges are “light and momentary” compared to eternal life waiting for us in heaven.

Helpful verses for me to remember right now:

• 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 – ¹⁶ So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
• 1 John 4:19-21 – ¹⁹ We love because He first loved us. ²⁰ If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. ²¹ And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
• Galatians 5:13-15 – ¹³ For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. ¹⁴ For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁵ But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.
• Ephesians 4:31-32 – Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³² Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
• James 1:2-4 – ² Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, ³ for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴ And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I wanted to write a real-time update on how things are going because if I waited to write this for another 6 months, I wouldn’t remember how it really felt in the moment. So, this is my honest, vulnerable assessment of life at the moment. I’m not perfect, and I’m certainly not handling pandemic life perfectly, but it helps me process things by writing out my thoughts and feelings. I’ll try to update again in a few months…hopefully with a sunnier attitude next time :) Thanks for reading!