Learning from Challenges

Hello blog world. Long time, no see. By now, I’m sure most of you have heard what has transpired in our lives over the last month, but just in case you haven’t, here’s the “short” version:

At 33 weeks along (August 16th), I was diagnosed with severe pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure and protein in my urine). I was taken over to labor and delivery from the doctor’s office, and they couldn’t get my blood pressure under control.  I ended up having a c-section later that same day. Baby girl was doing great, but still needed to go to the NICU due to how early she was.  We finally named her (Abigail!) after a day and a half. I went home a few days later feeling great, but started running a fever the next day. The fever continued all week long with no explanation. Mid-week, my incision partially opened up and began draining blood. By the end of the week, my OB thought that I had a seroma behind my incision that must be infected (causing the fever), and she did surgery #2 to open up the incision and clean it out. Surgery #2 turned out to be unnecessary because I continued to run a fever even after that. I spent the weekend in the hospital with the doctors doing all sorts of lab work, cultures, etc. trying to figure out what was going on. Finally. on Sunday afternoon, a CT scan revealed an 8×10 cm hematoma in my abdomen—so Monday morning, I had surgery #3 to open my incision BACK up and drain the hematoma as well as clean out my uterus to make sure there was no infection anywhere. I suffered that evening through the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life because of all the medicines they had to give me to counteract the bleeding I was having after the surgery. I spent the rest of the week in the hospital on IV antibiotics, getting a blood transfusion, and getting poked with more needles than I care to recount. I was discharged home that Friday (September 1st) and dealt with GI issues from all the antibiotics I was on for the next week or so. Two weeks later, I am finally feeling stronger and on the road to recovery. Abigail came home from the hospital this week on Tuesday (September 12th), and we are so glad to have her home.

Okay, so much for the “short version”. No, that was seriously the short version. I could go into a lot more detail, but I’m not sure I want to relive every single detail of the last month, to be honest with you :) The other day, I was thinking back about different challenging times in my life. I’d say the biggest ones have been: having back surgery to correct my scoliosis at age 15 and dealing with the recovery afterward (although my memories of that are fading since it’s been a while); Mom being diagnosed with breast cancer; April 27th, 2011 and finding out Marcus had been killed by the tornado in Tuscaloosa; adjusting to life with a baby after Brooklyn was born (and all of our breastfeeding issues in the beginning); and this last month. I know it’s the most recent and freshest on my mind, but I think the events of the last month take the cake for biggest challenge of my life so far.

Going through hard times gives us an opportunity to grow…if we take advantage of it. Rather than focus on the negative aspects of the last month, I’d like to explain some of the things I’ve learned through all of this:

1. Things don’t always go according to plan. Yes, it’s a cliche phrase, but this has been the #1 thing that the events of the last month have reinforced in my mind. Nothing that’s happened since mid-August has gone the way we thought it would. I assumed that baby #3 would come around the end of September or early October, we’d have another routine c-section, and go home a few days later with a healthy baby….because that’s the way it’s “always” gone with the other girls. As a planner and someone who likes to be organized ahead of time, this is a really hard lesson for me. By all accounts, we weren’t ready for Abigail to come. We’d literally JUST bought a minivan less than 2 weeks before. It was delivered only 5 days before she was born. 5 DAYS. Savannah was still sleeping in the crib, and we had no other bed for her to move into Brooklyn’s room. All of our baby gear was still in storage. Abigail didn’t even have a name yet! It’s hard for a control freak to realize you’re really not in control of much, and plans are only plans…not a guarantee. When you go through something like we just went through, you basically have two choices: go with the flow or fall into deep despair/frustration. At some point, I realized I just had to let go of everything happening the way I thought it would because that wasn’t the reality anymore. It didn’t do any good to get frustrated at the way things were happening…the better option was to just accept it and keep moving forward one step at a time.
2. Just having your family together is a huge blessing. The reality of how much I normally take for granted slapped me in the face over and over again while I was in the hospital. Having good health. Doing daily life with your husband and kids. Having everyone under one roof. What a blessing all of that is! I laid in the hospital for a week looking at pictures that friends would post on social media: pictures of their kids doing ordinary things…eating lunch, playing with toys, going to the park, etc. Nothing super exciting, but what I would have given to be in their shoes doing ordinary things with my own family. I didn’t get to see Abigail in the NICU for multiple days in a row before and during my hospital stay while I was running a fever and recovering from surgery. Our time with her in the NICU was so limited already, and I missed out on a huge portion of the care time I could have spent with her because I wasn’t allowed in. Out of necessity, Brooklyn and Savannah spent most of the last month with Paw and Rae Rae or Cici. At one point, I didn’t see the girls for 2 weeks straight other than via FaceTime. Raising kids is hard. Before all of this happened, I would find myself sometimes just wanting a break from my kids. I think it’s normal to feel like you need a break—just wanting some peace and quiet. But….I would much rather have everyone under one roof (even if I feel a little crazy at times) than to have peace and quiet with everyone separated for weeks at a time. I hope moving forward to appreciate the time I have with my kids more and not wish the days away even when they are hard.
3. God is the true Great Physician. Intellectually, I already knew this, but it was reinforced time and time again while I was in the hospital. It was an interesting experience to be the patient instead of the nurse after my second and third surgery. You quickly realize that doctors and nurses don’t know everything even though they try. They make mistakes. They do things to try to help you, and those things cause unintended side effects. I got a blood transfusion and ended up with a rash all over my body. I got a week’s worth of IV Vancomycin that killed my veins and made me feel terrible. By the end of the week after my second and third surgeries, I felt like I’d literally been chewed up and spit out. I went in the hospital to get better and left feeling worse in a lot of ways than when I got there. It took a few days of “suffering” in the hospital, but it finally hit me: I needed to be praying to the only One who could truly do something to help me. Doctors don’t always get it right, but God does. He saw my problems and knew what I was going through. He could see the whole picture that the doctors couldn’t. He had the power to help me even if the doctors couldn’t get it right. I have never prayed so hard in my life like I have over the past month: “Please, God, just help me get better. All I want to do is just be able to be a mom again.” Part of me has lost faith in the medical community after everything I went through, but it is a huge comfort to know that God sees and God can help me if he chooses to do so.
4. Don’t borrow trouble. I am a worrier by nature. I am good at finding things to worry about even in normal situations. It’s a personal struggle of mine.  When you have a baby in the NICU and are dealing with your own health complications, the possibilities for things to worry about just explode. When it took almost an entire week to figure out why I was running a fever, my mind swarmed with the possibilities of what could be wrong with me. I was convinced at one point that I must have cancer. Every time I had a setback or problem after the second and third surgeries, I automatically assumed the worst. I technically already knew this, but consulting “Google” about your health issues is usually not a good idea…it just leads to more anxiety ;) I won’t claim to have mastered the problem of worry, but I did learn time and time again over the last month: Each day has enough trouble of its own. Worrying about tomorrow doesn’t do any good. Having anxiety over my health won’t help me get better. The antidote to anxiety? Prayer! Every time a thought of worry or anxiety crossed my mind, I tried to stop and pray about it right then and there, and it really did give me peace about it. I knew I might not be able to do anything about what I was worrying about, but God could. All I needed to do was face one day a time with its own challenges and leave the rest until tomorrow.
5. You find out who truly cares when you go through trials. Our family has been so well taken care of over the last month. We have felt helpless in many ways. I spent several weeks “off duty” as a mom…literally unable to care for any of my kids. Travis was torn between trying to take care of me and being the only parent available for Abigail in the NICU most of the month. We needed a lot of help, and we have been so blessed by the willingness of others to offer it. Paw and Rae Rae kept the big girls at their house for what added up to several weeks over the course of the month. Cici helped us in numerous ways while I was in the hospital and pretty much every day since I’ve been home with laundry, grocery shopping, and caring for the kids. Friends have texted and called and listened to me cry. We’ve gotten tons of food and haven’t had to worry about cooking for the whole month. Friends have bought preemie clothes and diapers for Abigail. It’s amazing to have such a support network when you go through hard times; I don’t know what we would have done without all the help we’ve received. It has reminded us how much it means to have friends and family that care about how you’re doing, and hopefully we will remember that in the future when others we know go through hard times as well.
6. There are always lessons hidden in the challenges. It is tempting to focus on what all I’ve missed out on over the last month. The time is gone, and I can’t get it back. I don’t know what Brooklyn and Savannah were up to most of those days. I have no idea when Abigail’s cord fell off while she was in the NICU. I really feel like I didn’t know her at all until she came home from the hospital because I saw so little of her. Everything about the last month has been anything but normal. I could dwell on all those things, and I’ll admit that it’s been a challenge not to. What happened “isn’t fair”, but it happened just the same. I can either focus on the negative or try to take something positive away from all of this. I feel like I have learned so much over the last month. The value of family and physical health when you have it. Cherishing our daily lives despite the tantrums and tears. How anxiety and worry only serve to hurt me and not help me get through difficulties. How much it means to have the help of others during hard times. I’m hoping to take these lessons learned with me into the future and maintain a new perspective. We are so blessed to have our family all together and doing well, and I pray that I won’t ever take that for granted again.

James 1:2-4 – ² Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,³ for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.⁴ And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 

James 1:12 – ¹² Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

Matthew 6:25-34: ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?²⁷ And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ²⁸ And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹ yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. ³⁴ “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.