L&D/Newborn Stage – Hopes and Fears

Most of you probably know Brooklyn’s birth story, but in case you need a refresher you can read all about it here. In a nutshell, things did not go as I’d hoped or planned. Of course, we were very thankful that Brooklyn was delivered safely and healthy, but the way she came was not what I was hoping for. I have had a lot of guilt ever since then wondering if things would have turned out differently if we’d done “x,y, or z”. What if I’d declined the 36 week ultrasound? What if I hadn’t agreed to be induced? If she’d come on her own time, would anything have changed? What about if she’d been positioned different? Maybe I should have done more research before Brooklyn was born?

You might be wondering…what’s the big deal with having a c-section? Plenty of babies are delivered that way these days; in fact, I think that’s how about 1/3 of all babies are delivered. I’ve done a lot of reading and research since Brooklyn was born, and it’s obvious that there are A LOT of unnecessary c-sections being performed each year. I think some of that has to do with the culture that we live in today; OBs are afraid of getting sued if something goes wrong during a vaginal delivery that might have been prevented by just doing a c-section instead. It’s also more convenient for the doctor to be able to schedule an induction or c-section on a certain day/time that works for them. Much easier than being woken up in the middle of the night to come in and deliver a baby!

So, here are the reasons that I personally would like to avoid a c-section this time around:

1. A c-section is a major surgery!! I think a lot of people don’t think of it that way, but it is. They are cutting not just through your skin, but also your uterus! It’s a much longer healing process, which is probably why God didn’t design babies to come out that way ;) Now, I will say that my recovery last time wasn’t bad at all. I think I was only taking pain pills for about the first week, and after that I was pretty good. Of course, I moved around pretty slowly for the first couple of weeks, but overall I wasn’t in a ton of pain.

2. Enter Brooklyn (a.k.a the 2-year-old attached to mommy’s hip at all times). I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be allowed to pick her up for 6 weeks if I have to have another c-section. And I’m also pretty sure that would NOT go over well with Brooklyn. She still does not like to be held by Travis if I’m around. Luckily, she can get into her bed and her high chair by herself, but I’m sure she will still want to be held and cuddled, especially when she sees me giving attention to Little Sister that she’s not used to. I’m just really afraid of how we would all survive that with our sanity still intact. I definitely would need a lot of help during those first few weeks.

3. I was SO drugged during my c-section last time that I could barely even keep my eyes open. In fact, I remember giving up and having to keep them closed until they brought B around the curtain and then it was all I could do to open them long enough to get a peek at her. I think they had to keep giving me more and more medicine because I wasn’t numb enough from the epidural, and I obviously have a low tolerance for pain meds. Anyway, being awake and alert during one of the most special times in your life would be nice. That’s all I’m saying…

4. So, after Brooklyn was weighed and assessed, she went to the nursery for her first bath, and Travis was able to go with her while my doctor finished sewing me up. Then, they took me to the “recovery room” where I had to stay for an hour I think. So, while I was in recovery by myself, Travis got to hold her (which is fine…she was his baby too!), but also all of our family got to watch Brooklyn get her bath and take pictures of her. They had laid eyes on her for basically what seemed like an eternity before I even got my first good look at her. It’s just not the way I envisioned it happening. These days, things are a little different now at the hospital. Apparently, Baby and Daddy go to recovery and stay in there with Mom for that hour, which I think would be a lot better. But, being alone in recovery while everyone else was oohing and ahhing over B was definitely one thing I was bummed about from last time.

5. The more c-sections you have, the more your risk of something bad happening increases. A lot of doctors advise not having more than 3 c-sections. And, if I have another c-section this time, I will pretty much be guaranteed that any future babies will be delivered that way too. (There are very few doctors in the whole state that will allow a VBA2C, and I’m not sure there are any in north Alabama at all). So, we are undecided at this point on how many kids we’d like to have (I told Travis we’ll just take it one at a time and see how it goes…haha), but I’d hate for the type of delivery I have to be the deciding factor in that instead of us choosing the number ourselves. *Yes, I know that plenty of women have had more than 3 c-sections and done fine, but I just don’t think I’d be comfortable with it personally.

So with all of that said, my reasons for wanting to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) pretty much go hand in hand with my reasons for NOT wanting another c-section: avoiding major surgery and the risks involved; being fully awake for the actual delivery; and hopefully an easier recovery at home, which is important considering we have a toddler this time around to deal with. But, I will admit that a small part of it is selfish on my part…just being able to say I can do it. I know that’s not really that important in the big scheme of things, but it just bothers me to think that I physically cannot do it. My doctor has said since I was pregnant with Brooklyn that she thinks I have a very narrow pelvis. I wonder if it’s related to the scoliosis, or if it’s just the way I was born? Anyway, the reason I agreed to be induced last time was that we thought I had a better shot at a vaginal delivery at 39 weeks vs. 40+ weeks since she would only continue to get bigger. Unfortunately, Brooklyn never dropped down into my pelvis during the induction, and my doctor thinks the reason is that she just wouldn’t fit. Brooklyn was also “sunny side up”, which makes it harder for them to drop too…so who knows whether she would have dropped if she’d been in a normal anterior position or if the reason she was sunny side up is because of my pelvic structure. I just feel like I would like to give it one more shot to see if things might go differently this time around…otherwise I will always look back and wonder “what if”.

So, from my understanding, they try to avoid inducing moms who are going for a VBAC, so hopefully Miss Savannah will cooperate and decide to come on her own. A few weeks ago, my doctor said she would be okay with me going to 41 weeks (although statistically my chances of success will only decrease as the weeks go by), so I’m hoping to go into labor on my own and everything magically go according to plan. We’ll see :) Anyway, I have put a lot of thought into this, so just know that whatever we end up doing (even if I totally change course and decide to just schedule a c-section), that I’ve thought long and hard about it and didn’t come to the decision lightly. So, I’d appreciate your supportive comments no matter what we decide to do :)

Moving on from the actual method of delivery, another goal of mine for this time around is to leave the hospital more rested this time around. I know, I know…it’s impossible to get much sleep in the hospital. But, I think I can do a better job than I did last time. Don’t get me wrong…I loved having so many visitors after Brooklyn’s birth. We felt very loved and appreciated all of the support! But, I’m not sure I took more than 1 short nap the entire time we were there from Tuesday night to Saturday mid-day because we constantly had people coming and going. I felt like I had to “entertain” everyone that came by instead of making sure to take care of me too. And by the time we got home from the hospital on Saturday, I was so exhausted that I was literally acting crazy. Just ask Travis…it was BAD. In fact, I think we would both consider that one of the worst days of our marriage. So, I’d like to avoid a repeat of that if at all possible. I’m considering either limiting our visitors to immediate family only (not that we don’t love everyone else!!) or at least setting up some kind of “visiting hours” or something. So if you don’t get to visit us in the hospital this time, just know that it isn’t because we don’t love you! It’s just an effort to help me keep some of my sanity intact :)

35 weeks yesterday

At this point, I think I’m feeling more nervous about the newborn stage this time around than I did before Brooklyn was born. I think the phrase “ignorance is bliss” applied to my first pregnancy. I was nervous, but I didn’t really know what to expect. This time, I KNOW what to expect and I’m just nervous about how it will go…especially with a 2 year old to take care of too. I think if I didn’t have so many nursing issues last time it wouldn’t have been nearly as bad, so I’m crossing my fingers than my milk supply won’t be quite as wacky this time around. And then dealing with a 2 year old on very little sleep is scary to think about too. Some days Brooklyn is hard enough to deal with on a good night’s sleep. Basically, I’m just slightly stressed if you can’t tell :) I’m hoping that I’m building all of this up to be way worse than it actually turns out to be. We will see! It’s hard to believe that in another month or so we will be meeting Savannah. I don’t feel ready yet, but I’m excited thinking about meeting her. I just hope she’ll give us a few more weeks to get it together ;)